You're Not Too Much
You were never "too much". The world just wasn't ready for your volume.
Maybe they didn't say you were too much. They just made you feel like you were.
Maybe it was a boss, maybe it was your parents (I see this SO much in my work), a partner, or maybe it was the voice in your own head that whispered “you’re being too loud, too bold, too big” every time you walked into a room and actually took up space.
You listened. You shrank. You started managing how other people experienced your power instead of actually using it.
And now you’re exhausted. Not from doing too much, but from holding yourself back while simultaneously running a business, leading a team, raising humans, and trying to remember who you were before everyone else’s needs swallowed you whole.
I see this pattern constantly with the women I coach.
She’s in a high leadership position or running her own company. Maybe she’s an Enneagram 8 trying to control the narrative. She doesn’t want to appear weak. She can’t be vulnerable.
Or maybe she is an Enneagram 2, managing everything, personally and professionally with a smile on her face. Her intention is to be a confident, empowered leader who acts from her values and sees clearly. But she’s too busy being in service to others to take care of her own needs and she’s burnt out, overwhelmed, and doesn’t feel like she’s living in her power.
Or maybe she is an Enneagram 7, silencing her voice and her vision so she can meet the status quo. She knows something is off. She just hasn’t given herself permission to say it out loud.
So let me say it for you.
You are not too much. You never were.
The idea that ambitious women need to shrink themselves to be palatable? That was handed to us. It was built into systems that decided women lose their identity the moment they become partners or mothers, that power and presence somehow evaporate when you have children. That narrative was created through the patriarchy, and I refuse to keep it alive.
We are women first: partners, mothers, parents, and daughters second. And only when we can have more women in leadership will we change this story for good.
The Enneagram is one of the tools I use to help women see this clearly. It measures motivation, not just behavior. It shows you your strengths and your blind spots. When you truly understand why you operate the way you do, perfectionism loosens its grip. Imposter syndrome starts to dissolve. You stop second-guessing every decision and start leading from alignment instead of anxiety.
That shift changes everything.
As a coach, my role is to see a higher vision for you than you can see for yourself. To unlock a door you didn’t know was there. To help you ditch the overwhelm and step onto the path you actually want, the one you’ve maybe been too afraid to name.
Rules are meant to be broken. Settling is not an option. Your dreams are closer than you believe.
We only live this one life. Make today the day that you unapologetically speak your truth and not hold yourself back.
Be “too much” so we can level set. No more quiet. No more shame. No more letting the patriarchy dictate our beliefs and our behaviors.
How do I find out my type?
Take this FREE quiz. (Created by moi)
Get your personalized guide here.
Book a 1:1 session here.
Team building with the Enneagram
Enneagram Lifestyle Edits: Each week I share small, Enneagram type-informed ways to live a little better. This week is on how to improve your well-being.
Do the thing. Do what you have been craving. Every type has a different need, here are some suggestions:
Type 1 Perfectionist: clean out your closet, color coordinate your bookshelf and pour yourself the finest glass of champagne
Type 2 Helper: make a list of what you need and then take action on one item (manicure, hike with a friend)
Type 3 Achiever: spend some time celebrating your wins and then curl up in bed with a book (you need rest!)
Type 4 Creative: clean your house and then cook up a storm ( a little order goes a long way)
Type 5 Specialist: connect with a loved one, give someone a hug and then create a fun app on Claude
Type 6 Loyalist: try box breathing, take a walk in nature and then go to a new restaurant without reading the reviews (so risky!)
Type 7 Enthusiast: go to a movie alone, embrace the stillness, recharge your batteries before you take on the next big thing (then book that flight to Barcelona, lol)
Type 8 Controller: write a list of what you can and can’t control (surprise, it’s not a lot) and then treat yourself to a cozy night on the couch with your dog (leaders need recovery time, too)
Type 9 Peacekeeper: host a game night or a happy hour, don’t let fear of rejection stand in the way of hanging with your favorite people
This week’s challenge:
Ditch your inner critic and let your true self shine.
As my seventeen year old daughter said to me recently, ”Maybe you aren’t too much, maybe they aren’t enough?”
Well said, sweetie. Looks like my parenting job is done.
See you next week,
Ali
I had to stop at “you started managing how other people experienced your power instead of actually using it” because it puts words to the exact contortion so many ambitious women have been trained to perform. I recognize the women you are writing to from my own work, the ones running businesses and families with a smile while their nervous system is exhausted from years of shrinking so nobody calls them too much.
Your piece feels like a permission slip for her to let that “too much” energy back into her body as leadership instead of something to apologize for, and that shift alone can change the whole trajectory of her life.