From Surviving to Thriving: Finding Joy Through the Enneagram
Because you didn't come this far to settle for "meh".
Real Talk: It’s time to put yourself first. No one is going to roll out the red carpet for you when it comes to your happiness. You must take matters into your hands.
Last week’s post was about grief. This week is about joy. We know that the only way to process our pain is to move through it, not around it. But what if you have been sitting in your numbness or grief for so long that you can’t remember how to feel joy?
Grief brought my client to our session today. But what she left with was hope and the tools for change. During the last two years she had faced a series of significant life hurdles and she felt burnt out to the point of being numb. As an Enneagram 8 (wing 7), she had always been in the driver’s seat but her life had put her on a backseat ride to a destination she didn’t choose. She felt like she had lost control of her autonomy and that her joy, freedom and ability to be spontaneous had been torn from her.
Our first order of business was to find out what was true about her freedom. Was she as limited as it seemed? Turns out there was a lot more available to her than she thought. She just couldn’t see it through her pain.
Her homework? A Summer Joy List. Kind of like a grab-and-go menu of feel-good rituals to reach for when life gets messy and her energy dips. Part reset, part reminder of what makes her feel alive.
Knowing her Enneagram type helped us identify the source of her frustrations. You can use this formula too when you need a little extra boost in your day, week or year.
Use the guide below to navigate your joy blocks and go from surviving to thriving. It is time to release the grip of scarcity to make space for joy to flow freely.
Your Enneagram Explained:
If you know your type, you can see how your type plays into surviving versus thriving. Use this as a key to spark your joy and apply it at work and at home.
Type 1 Perfectionist (Motivation is to do the right thing, struggles with spontaneity)
Survive: inflated inner critic, rigid, critical of others, things have to be “just right”, joy is only a reward for hard work
Thrive: self compassion, risk taking, embrace creativity (non-linear thinking), connecting with the awe and beauty of the world, be spontaneous
Type 2 Helper (Motivation is to be liked and appreciated, struggles with boundaries)
Survive: over-giving, uninspired, blurred boundaries, feeling like worth is attached to output, resentful
Thrive: ask for what you need, create romantic moments, meet an old friend for coffee, invest in self-care (trainer, workout class, manicure)
Type 3 Achiever (Motivation is to succeed, struggles with failure)
Survive: workaholic tendencies, detached from feelings, going through the motions, never sitting still
Thrive: connect to your values, make a vision board, try something just for fun (not outcome), volunteer
Type 4 Creative (Motivation is to be unique, struggles being seen as ordinary)
Survive: deep in feelings, can’t see a silver lining, lack of hope, alienated, not accessing creativity
Thrive: channel your inner child (play a board game, go on a ferris wheel, play beach volleyball), lighten your mental load through journaling or somatic work (dance class, massage), embrace the little things that life has to offer
Type 5 Specialist (Motivation is to understand, struggles with connection)
Survive: in your cave and never coming out, detached from people, deep in research, boundaries over-enforced
Thrive: reflect on what joy means to you, phone a friend, watch stand-up or go to a comedy show, host a themed dinner party, show up even if you don’t have all the answers
Type 6 Loyalist (Motivation is to feel safe, struggles with getting into action )
Survive: analysis paralysis, over consumption of news, fear of the unknown, not engaging with community
Thrive: trust your instincts, be in action, practice the art of savoring (revisiting positive experiences in your life), plan a trip with your favorite people
Type 7 Enthusiast (Motivation is to experience it all, struggles with the details)
Survive: overbooked and overcommitted, excess anything (food, alcohol, social media etc.), chasing the next thing, detached from self
Thrive: create experiences that match your values, make a summer bucket list, embrace creativity, dig into a great book, practice gratitude
Type 8 Controller (Motivation is to be in control, struggles with vulnerability)
Survive: intense, agitated, frustrated with injustice, taking on too much, irritable with those closest to you
Thrive: embrace vulnerability, write a list of what you and can’t control, prioritize connection, slow down and connect with your body (have a spa day, try a new workout), less “doing” more “being”
Type 9 Peacekeeper (Motivation is to be in harmony, struggles with conflict)
Survive: going through motions, doom scrolling, detaching, disconnecting from needs
Thrive: finding joy through community, connecting to your true desires, verbalizing your opinion, adding structure into your week, building healthy habits
Enneagram Joy Edits:
Looking for a touch of joy and culinary inspiration? I am currently reading “What I Ate in One Year” by Stanley Tucci. A perfect escape for this Enneagram 7. If I am not traveling to Italy, I can at least eat my way through with Stanley Tucci!
Stuck in summer showers and need a ray of light? Try this Individualist Candle, a cheap and cheerful gift to honor your favorite Enneagram 4.
Another way to find joy? Support local. Meet your local makers, shop at your local boutiques. If you are in the Bay Area, I love Flourcraft for gluten free treats and Book Passage for local author events and their vast book selection.
If you are new to the Enneagram:
The Enneagram measures motivation. Why you do the things you do. The Enneagram doesn’t tell you who you are. It shows you how you’ve been surviving, and what it’ll take to actually thrive. It is your default behavior, your blindspots, and your unconscious habits that get in the way of what you truly want.
Learn about the Enneagram:
Take a free test
Read type descriptions
Book an Enneagram Session
This week’s challenge:
Make one move towards joy. Revisit the things that make you happy. The laundry and dishes can wait.
See you next week,
Ali