Feeling Better VS. Looking Better
Enneagram-Based Tips to Finally Feel Good From the Inside Out
Everyone’s so concerned with looking better. What if you just felt better?
I've thought about this a lot in my coaching work. The simplest way I can describe what I do is that I help people understand themselves at a deeper level so they feel better. It sounds basic. Almost too simple to be a business. But that's actually the point.
We live in a world where it's completely accepted (and encouraged) to spend whatever you can on what's outside of you. The clothes. The procedures. The curated life. Society has decided that's fine.
But investing in what's inside? That’s where it gets tricky. Therapy is shameful (bury your past, don’t learn from it). Coaching is embarrassing (if you don’t have things figured out there is something wrong with you). Meditation is unproductive (nothing happens when you sit still).
We love to jazz up our outsides but we don't really want to talk about the pain we experience on the inside. And then when you layer in the cost of living, inequality of pay, and the expenses related to being a woman, women only have access to a certain amount of income. If they're going to choose, it's usually going to be more external than internal. We “feel better” if we look like we are put together, even if we are dying on the inside.
As a coach, I can teach you how to negotiate more PTO. I can help you negotiate a part-time arrangement. I can help you grow your own business so you have more financial flexibility and freedom. I can help you feel more confident and connected to yourself. Whatever feeling better means for you specifically, I’m here for it.
How the Enneagram Can Help
Feeling better can show up differently for each Enneagram type. If you are seeking more internal enlightenment but feel like you are forced to choose between your insides and out, let me offer a few mindset reset solutions by type to increase your general happiness.
Type 1 Perfectionist (Motivation is to do the right thing)
How to Feel Better: Less fixation, more flow. Release the need to be perfect by channeling your inner Enneagram 7. Lean into spontaneity and break the rules.
Type 2 Helper (Motivation is to be liked and appreciated)
How to Feel Better: Worry less about pleasing those closest to you. Your worth is not defined by how much you give. Channel your inner Enneagram 8 and ask for what you need so you can start prioritizing what matters most and setting firmer boundaries.
Type 3 Achiever (Motivation is to succeed)
How to Feel Better: Check in with your inner voice. Realign your actions to match what truly matters to you (not your boss, parents or partner). Yes, image matters, but if you don’t find fulfillment you will always be chasing the next big thing.
Type 4 Creative (Motivation is to be unique)
How to Feel Better: Lighten up. Sometimes you are so deep in your feelings you create more problems than necessary. You can still be creative/passionate/unique and have a positive outlook on life. It doesn’t make you basic, it makes you approachable.
Type 5 Specialist (Motivation is to understand)
How to Feel Better: Release the need to always be the expert. Show up without having all the answers. Give yourself permission to not have all the answers. Try to deepen your connections, not your data points.
Type 6 Loyalist (Motivation is to feel safe )
How to Feel Better: Just do it. Stop analyzing. Catastrophizing. Deliberating. Trust your instinct. Things may not always end perfectly but you can have fun along the way.
Type 7 Enthusiast (Motivation is to experience it all)
How to feel better: Slow down. Make a list of three things that matter today and forget the rest. Give yourself the gift of space so you can process your ideas, choose what is meaningful, and move on. Not every idea is a new business venture.
Type 8 Controller (Motivation is to be in control)
How to Feel Better: Open up. Ask for help. Lead with curiosity. Release the pressure to always be in charge. You may be surprised what you can learn when you go from being the most assertive to the most curious.
Type 9 Peacekeeper (Motivation is to be in harmony)
How to Feel Better: Connect to your true desires. You don’t need to go along to get along. Lean into collaboration but practice stating your needs as well. Possibilities will open as you take up more space.
How do I find out my type?
Take this FREE quiz. (Created by moi)
Get your personalized guide here.
Book a 1:1 session here.
Team building with the Enneagram
Enneagram Lifestyle Edits:
Each week I share small, Enneagram type-informed ways to live a little better.
Your Well-being: Recently back from a trip to Paris for my bestie’s birthday, my insides are full of joy (of camembert). I reconnected with friends from childhood and soaked up the history, culture and food of one of the most beautiful cities in the world. Visiting the Dior museum reignited something I hadn't realized I'd lost— a deep love of design and fashion that had slipped away without my noticing.
What is something you once loved but have pushed to the side because it didn’t feel practical or you didn’t feel like you had the energy or time for it?
Culture: During my 1/2 day flight back from Paris I binged the entire season of “Big Mistakes”, a new crime comedy from Dan Levy of Schitt’s Creek fame. Both dark and funny, it explores family dynamics in a cringey laugh-out-loud kind of way. I have noticed a lot of shows exploring relationships beyond the bedroom and I am here for it. Rooster focuses on a father/daughter dynamic, Imperfect Women is friendship first (albeit a lover/murder concept is certainly on the menu), and Shrinking is about co-workers, neighbors and family.
Work Life Integration: A quick journal recommendation for a better week no matter your Enneagram type, the Breathing Room by Sugar Paper journal. It’s more about setting intentions than checking boxes, I highly recommend it as a daily exercise to feel grounded.
This week’s challenge:
Do an audit of how you spend your time, money and energy on your outsides versus insides. Don’t like what you find? Commit to one internal shift through journaling, meditating or going deeper with your Enneagram type.
Knowing this about yourself will help you approach life’s biggest stressors with more self-awareness and confidence. At the end of the day, we all just want to feel better.
See you next week,
Ali